Divorce

Disclaimer: This may offend some people. Please do not keep reading if divorce is a sensitive subject for you. I just need to get this off my chest.

I hate divorce. In principle, I believe it is wrong. I used to think that belief was just my Catholic roots showing, but now, more than ever, I believe it. It's painful for everyone in my family right now. To hear the strain and emotional exhaustion in my mom's voice brought me to tears as soon as I hung up the phone. She's being so solid for so many people in the family right now. I don't know how she does it. My grandpa is upset but he's so stoic that he won't talk about it. I know it's really hard on my grandma. She and Grandpa set such a wonderful example (married for 50+ years now) but now 3 of 4 of their children have divorced. I know she wonders what else she could have done. She is a beautiful and wise woman. I admire her so much. It's not fair. No one should hurt my grandma. And I just keep thinking of my two little cousins. They're only 6 and 3 years old. Those guys really need both their parents. And they know what's going on. I just want to hug them.

Not talkin' 'bout a year
No not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do from you

It seems like I don't have as much right to be upset as everyone else, but I am upset nonetheless. My uncle has been part of my family for nearly 10 years. I was a bridesmaid at the wedding. And now, I might never see him again. At the same time, I'm angry at him ... and at her. How can you be so in love and then, in time, fall so far from that that you loose all hope of making it better? I'm mad at him for crying on the phone to my brother. I'm mad at them for not making it work; for having kids if they can't handle marriage; and for hurting my grandma.

People spend so much time
Every single day
Runnin' 'round all over town
Givin' their forever away
But no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

When my dad first told me, I was shocked (not surprised, but shocked). I spent the weekend talking about marriage, love, and relationships with my dad, my mom, and my grandma (all very wise people, especially on this topic). Based on these conversations, these are my conclusions:
- Through marriage, you become family. You cannot break-up with family. You can have fights. You can have rough times. But you are stuck together, through it all. You cannot divorce your brother because he's annoying you. He's your brother, no matter what.
- Love isn't enough. You won't always be in love. My dad told me you fall in and out of love. The key is to be respectful and honest at all times, in love or not. To me, there is comfort in the idea that you get to keep falling in love, over and over.
- No matter how much good advice you get, you still have to figure it out for yourself.

Like a handless clock with numbers
An infinite of time
No not the forever found
Only in the mind
Forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you.