What is essential is invisible to the eye.

And is it not a matter of consequence to try to understand why the flowers go to so much trouble to grow thorns which are never of any use to them?

My curiosity may just kill me if all the books I plan to read this summer fall on my head. I’m very excited to be able to just read. I’ve already re-read the Little Prince (I know there were no signs of that in this post) and I’m working on the Te of Piglet. I plan to start the summer with light stuff; a mix of philosophy and pop science. Then, I plan to research epistemology, read up on the debate on the nature of time, and learn quantum mechanics. Ambitious, I know. But there’s something wonderful about 4 months to explore whatever questions I want.

One loves the sunset, when one is so sad...

As I walked across a field today and watched the sunset, it hit me; I am going back to my old life. I have to pack up my whole room here and go back to Toronto. In a few weeks, I'll be living with my parents, doing almost exactly what I was a year ago. And for all that last spring/summer was a lot of fun, I'm very different now. I don't know where my home is. I'm comfortable here in Waterloo and I feel a great deal of ownership and pride in the life I've created for myself here. It's so exciting to watch my career starting as a direct consequence of my actions. But I don't have a place here that is mine; just our residence room. But I will in a few months when we get our apartment. In Toronto, there are people that I have cared about for much longer and there are things I have missed. But will it be the same with them? I know that things will be strained with my dad. He doesn't know how to deal with me. I don't want to fight but he has to understand that he cannot treat me like an irresponsible little girl anymore. I may not completely be an adult, but I am responsible for myself. I've proven that this year.

It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

I am proud of what I’ve done this year. First and foremost, because I looked after my health, I didn’t relapse. This term, I’ve also pulled up my marks substantially. I’ve made a lot of opportunities for myself to get involved with outreach. I handed assignments in early. I will get a mark in my computer programming course that will rival that of people who have programmed before; even if I had to work for it. I managed to skip over two questions on an exam, put them out of my mind, and come back to them, all the while staying calm.

Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies.

I don’t like being not listening to or treated differently because I’m female. I also don’t like be written off as a bra-burning, extreme feminist when I mention that I don’t like that PhysClub is exclusionary and discriminatory towards women. I don’t like that people feel it is okay to justify those discriminatory actions because I am a minority. Too many people seem to just accept that explanation. I want to change that. I want to change that that is accepted and I want to change the fact that women are a minority in physics. I do like that there are people other than me that will continue to stand up against it. I’m not fighting for rights; I just want to be treated like a person.

To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you I shall be unique in all the world …

When I look back at my first year of university, I know that I won’t remember the stress or fluid dynamics. I will remember skipping out of frosh week activities to be anti-social and watch Gilmore Girls in our room…avoiding everyone at the college … getting Vietnamese (mostly first term) or Persian (mostly second term) and watching Gilmore Girls … avoiding community dinners … talking each other out of studying … calculating the mark we need to pass instead of studying … 2 a.m. conversations about dividing by zero … scaring ourselves silly because of little noises and then talking until we fall asleep … napping … lamest snowball fight ever and then just lying in the snow as a break from studying … analyzing everything … dreaming about food and having an apartment … pizza and chocolate milk day … Wolfgang … looking up what the most popular names were in each year in the 20^th century … getting mistaken as sisters, twice by the same guy … explaining everything by ‘because you smell’ … quote wall … blog wars. I will remember staying up until 5 in the morning simply because we got lost in good conversation … staying up until ungodly hours every night that week … half a licorice stick without even asking … asparagus and donkey konga … seeing the northern lights … brownies … going to a bat mitzvah … dancing in the back of a convenience store … lying in bed all day … studying for calculus (Extreme Mean Rolles) … sitting under the stairs with the green and white walls and the exit sign, feeling like we’re in an artsy movie … watching the different generations of the Family Feud in Indy … Godiva cheesecake … Sven (no arms, no legs, no teeth), God (the knife-thrower), Lucifer (the pacifist) and the War on Cheese … spending an afternoon at Perimeter … watching the stars come out … food can make me a fan of anything, even celebrating 6 month “anniversaries” … you taking care of me while I was sick … Iron and Wine – Such Great Heights … learning that if Celina and I both go to get drinks, they will be stronger … dancing at a goth bar … the real reason I could never go to a strip club … the stained-glass jewellery box with the figure skater on the front … having the whole rink to myself for my birthday and watching you try to skate backwards … trying to identify constellations even if it’s freezing cold.

Look up at the sky. Ask yourselves: Is it yes or no? Has the sheep eaten the flower? And you will see how everything changes …

And no grown-up will ever understand that this is a matter of so much importance!