Feelin' Groovy

The crazy emotional period I have been going through seems to finally have reached an end. It's about time. I can go back to being me. I think it was going home this past weekend that grounded me. I've managed to carry my strength from the weekend through into the week.

I don't feel like forming full thoughts. You know what that means...random list time.

Happy things
- free food. Kate gave me a cookie. Emily gave me muffins and cookies.
- Ducks sleeping in the pond.
- new music. Tony and Jon both made mp3 cds for me with amazing music.
- tea with lots of honey.
- Power skating. I love teaching it. I love being out on the ice. I should have known I wouldn't be able to quit completely. But this is a good way of getting to skate without the pressure.
- running into Karin at the rink. Seeing a fellow sk7ner is always a happy thing.
- 2 month anniversary.
- random guy running by me saying "Don't ask". I wasn't going to.
- PhUC aka PhysClub
- meeting awesome people.
- crackers and cheese.
- intelligent conversation. Everyone I meet here has something interesting to say and doesn't need to resort to phrases like "ya know" and "like totally".
- talking to Anne.
- having the boys from Empire sing an invite to a party.

Don't wanna miss a thing

Whoever said you can't go home was wrong. A weekend home was exactly what I needed and so much more. I passed my grading, first class! I felt such a difference from the one-on-one training. (Thank you Shima!) hehe I'm so spoiled.
But what was so great about this weekend was being with the people I love and trust. I never realized just how much I draw on their strength and support. I feel like I can face the next week with so much more strength and energy, even if I didn't get much sleep or get any work done. It was so great to be able to talk to Jamie about all the stuff that we have on our minds. I miss that. I miss Jamie.

a super-position of states

I haven't written for a few days not because nothing has been happening, but because I'm not sure how to write it down. I've been bouncing from one extreme on the emotional scale to the next while simultaneously being everywhere in between. I've been homesick while getting excited about opportunities here; wanting to be with people at home while loving the people I'm meeting here. Why can't I just be content? I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm at a great university studying what I'm interested in. I have a family that supports me. I have so many friends I can trust completely. I have a boyfriend who just amazes me in every way. I have a room-mate who I can not only live with, but be friends with as well. And so many people here who I totally identify with and who blow me away. So why am I such a mess?

Shakin' booty making sweet love all the night

Not only did yesterday live up to my expectations, this whole weekend exceeded any expectations I had. Karate felt so good yesterday. I feel like I can learn so much faster when I have one-on-one instruction. I finally feel like I have a grasp on the partner works which I never was able to get because of how we practice them in class. Then I went skating and as much as I'm really out of shape in terms of skating form, it felt amazing to be back out there. In the afternoon, I just chilled with some of my favourite girls from my res and Jamie called me so I got to chat with him about his math and girl troubles. I miss him so it was so much fun to talk to him. Then Ali came and we went out dancing with a bunch of my favourite people from res. All my friends loved Ali and we all just so much fun. As if that weren't great enough, I saw my friend JD who was another counsellor at OELC. He's such an awesome dancer and we no longer had to keep it clean for the kids so we had some fun dancing. This morning, Ali and I had breakfast on a bench out by the stream behind my res. It's sunny with a clear blue sky; absolutely picturesque. Later, my dad is coming to take Emily and I out to dinner. Oh and speaking of Emily, I've got her hooked on Weezer. She loves Pinkerton. Karate, skating, dancing, good music, all shared with the incredible people that I have in my life. What more could I ask for? Well I suppose I could ask for my linear algebra assignment to magically complete itself but that's not exactly in the realm of possibilities.

Boys suck. Let's throw rocks at them. Busy.

Why is it that so many guys just assume they know more than me on certain subjects like math and exercise? No one should make assumptions like that because they know nothing about me. In the past two days alone, I've had to deal with too many guys like that. The worst one by far was over a problem from my calculus assignment. It was just a graph of regions of solutions for an inequality involving absolute values. Our algebra was all exactly the same but the difference came in the interpretation of how to graph it. He seemed to think you ignore the first restriction you put on the graph and only use your final one. When I'd explain it to him, he'd just say he "couldn't follow my messed up logic". Now, I'll admit he may just possibly be more skilled with algebraic work than me. But when it comes to interpreting and converting algebraic work to a physical/geometrical situation, I'm very confident in my ability. That's why I'm in mathematical *physics*, not just math! (He's in computer science, by the way.) Bah! Guys like that drive me insane! Oh and I checked with an upper year pure math major; my interpretation is absolutely right. haha I just made a math pun...absolutely right > absolute values. hahaha oh boy I've been spending too much time doing calculus.

Ok funny story that really only Saman and George will understand. My calculus prof is the stereotypical picture of a geek. He's short, pasty, and skinny. He has short curly dark brown hair and glasses. He has a high-pitched geeky voice (think Professor Frink) and talks really fast. And of course, he loves calculus. The other day he breifly ranted about chalk and how he used to have one of those little metal things for it but he lost it. Today, he came in and proudly showed us his new chalk holder. Remind you of anyone? Oh yeah this guy is a geekier math Bullock. He's awesome. =)

Tomorrow, I'm training karate with Shima in the morning, then skating, then working on my linear algebra homework, then Ali's coming, then the evening's plans are uncertain but there is much talk among many of my friends of a big group of us going dancing. As my friend pointed out, that's pretty much my perfect day. Should be a good one.

Did I mention I love physics?

So I'm the new First Year Rep on the Phys Club council. Looks like it'll be a lot of fun. The elections today were the most informal elections, and most entertaining elections I've ever seen. I mean my friend Nicole that nominated me said my name was "Trinity". And that was one of the relatively tame names going up on that board. The other people on the council seem awesome. They all have the weird physics humour that I love so much. Oh and the secretary came up to me after the meeting and informed me that she and I are the only two females in Mathematical Physics in all years at Waterloo. How cool is that?

*Insert James Brown's "I feel good" here*

First day of classes done. Should get to sleep but I felt a post was necessary so here are a few quick (and as always, somewhat random) thought from today.

- I love physics.
- I bought a mini-fridge with my room-mate.
- It's refreshing to have profs who are competent and love what they are teaching.
- I love calculus.
- We named the fridge Wolfgang so I wouldn't fulfill my urge to name something/someone Wolfgang by inflicting that name on my unborn son.
- I have the best room-mate possible.
- I may manage to not despise chemistry since my prof seems really good and there's nothing that even remotely resembles organic chem in the course outline.
- I love algebra.
- You got SPUCed! Looks like we will manage to get our t-shirts/sweatshirts.
- I may be a nerd but so is most of the population of UW. Hard as it may be to adjust, this is where I belong.

"This is my time
This is my tear
I can see clearly now
That this is not a place
For playing solitaire
...
All in all i’m
Loving every rise and fall
The sun will make and I will take
Breath to be sure of this"

Refreshed

Interesting weekend. It certainly ended better than it started. Friday night I started getting really anxious and by Saturday I was a mess. I broke down in the book store when my second attempt at buying my books that day failed because the amount was over the limit (which I was un-aware existed) on my card (the first attempt failed because they didn't take cheques). That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I started tearing up right there so I rushed out and put my sunglasses on. I ran past some friends who were coming out of res as I was rushing in and I broke down completely as soon as I got into my room; sobbing, hyper-ventilating, pacing, the works. After a few minutes of that I went online and Saman was online so she called me and calmed me down. (Thank you so much Saman) Then Emily came in and she was feeling anti-social too so we decided to watch Gilmore Girls (she has season 1 on dvd) on my laptop. That cheered me up a lot. (Thank you Emily) At dinner, Emily and I stayed away from anyone we knew. Then after dinner, Ali arrived and we went over to his sister's house and watched the Karate Kid. That helped me more than I can explain. I needed to see a familiar face, I needed to spend a night where I didn't have to tell people who I am, I needed to relax and laugh, really laugh, and most of all, I needed a hug. (Ali, I can't thank you enough) This morning, he picked me up and we went out for breakfast, laughed at hicks, and went grocery shopping. So great to just relax. This afternoon, Emily and I continued watching Gilmore Girls, continuing my anti-social streak. Finally, after dinner, she and I decided to stop being anti-social so we wandered around until we found some people. They showed us a lounge we didn't know about. Then we had our tea party in Dungeon Lounge. There was a great turn-out and even better conversation (nerdy, intelligent, and very humorous). A lot of my friends commented on how they hadn't seen me all weekend. But I needed that break. I am meeting some really awesome people here but I need my alone time. I took a little walk just now around campus just to gather my thoughts. I need to make sure I'm finding time to be by myself and just breath or I'm going to go running back to Toronto and that's not right for me. I am surrounded by so many incredible people here but to be able to enjoy being with them, I need to be away from them too. Balance yin and yang, letting opposites define each other I suppose.
Tomorrow, I start classes. I have a lecture for each of my five classes tomorrow starting with physics. What a way to start the day off right =)

Falling down the rabbit hole

Ok I realize this is dorky, but I just want classes to start. I can't handle the energy that is required by the constant socializing of frosh week. I sat out most of yesterday's activities and all of today's and I'm likely not to stay long at tomorrow's. Not having my home base of friends and family is starting to grate on me. I love it here so much, I just cannot handle the hyper tense atmosphere right now. I know it will calm down once routine sets in and then res will be even better.
I have found some great people at my res who I think will become great friends in time. First, there's my room-mate, Emily. We're already really comfortable with each other which is key since we're living together. We're a really good compliment to each other. She's pretty shy and conservative and goes to sleep early. Since I'm more out-going, I can help her make friends and come out of her shell a bit. And she can help me stay in and sleep when I know I should. But we both like to keep the room cold. It's a good balance between similarities and differences. She's someone I already am sure that I can count on.
Then, there's Erin. She lives upstairs on Bastille (the french floor). We were in the same group for Science orientation stuff so that's how we started talking. She was super shy and quiet at first so I just rambled the way I always do. And all of a sudden she started talking. She's crazy! She's so hyper and silly once she opens up.
And last but certainly not least, there's Courtney. This girl has my exact personality. That's both a good thing and a bad thing. We understand each other all too well already which is great. But I can see wanting to strangle her if we spend too much time together. That being said, we both realize that and we don't take it personally. It's amazing to have someone who understands me so well.
Those are the people I'm close with thus far. I just hope things calm down soon.

I have arrived =)

So all (well most) of my fears have evaporated, as I expected they would. I love my room-mate. She's in physics and loves the Matrix and the Gilmore Girls. We've really hit it off and together we're forming a group of friends in SPUC (my res). I'm already so at home in my res. Already tonight I was walking around in my pjs. I love it here. And I have tech support downstairs becuase the floor below me is kinda the floor for computer geeks. (My floor is the "quiet floor" which is really nice.) Oh and the frosh stuff we do in res is the best. Bigger and Better was a blast and hanging out for snacks and little games after was such a nice way to end off.
And the faculty stuff is fun too. The Secret Science Dance is so cheesy and so fun. I'm looking forward to the Island Paradise themed dance for the Science faculty tomorrow night.
You know what's weird though? I'm older than a lot of my frosh leaders. I think I'm likely to become good friends with a lot of them once they are no longer frosh leaders.
Oh funny story. I met a guy yesterday who went to Leaside but we'd never seen each other before. He's living on Dungeon. (ie the floor below mine. I'm on Oasis.). Small world eh?
Ok I need sleep. Another full day tomorrow. Can't wait =)

Good-bye yellow brick road

The car is jam packed with my various belongings, I've said all my good-byes, and move-in is less than 10 hours away. So many random things going through my head. This is about as organized as I can make them >>>>>
- how can I possible have so much crap to take? I hardly brought anything above what I need.
- I broke into my own cottage at 2 in the morning.
- Worst good-bye > Tie between Anne and Kristen. I wish I hadn't said good-bye to two of my closest, oldest friends over the phone. I wish I'd spent more time with them.
- Best good-bye > George. We did exactly what we always do; hung out and talked about everything and the conversation came back to karate. And then the actual good-bye was not overly sappy or too cold, it was just right. =)
- One box, three big duffel bags, one big paper bag, two back-packs, and one massive hockey bag. How did I possible fill all that? And how did my dad fit it all in the car?
- I am so lucky to have so many incredible friends. How I've managed it is beyond me. I hope I can attract equally incredible people at Waterloo.
- it would make me really happy to find that my room-mate is not a freak. it'd make me even happier to find out that she and I are the same size and she actually has a fashion sense.
- "I had the time of my life" I miss Ice Show.
- it really impresses me when I discover someone is good with kids.
- how is all my stuff going to fit in my dorm room? and what is my room-mate bringing? They should really give us some contact info, even just an email, before hand so we can coordinate.
- I want Persian tea. Right now. hmm I may have to settle for some regular herbal tea. I'll put lots of honey in to compensate. (like that's anything new :P)
- I didn't eat dinner. mmm I'll get some crackers after I post this.
- My cousins are good kids. And gorgeous.
- it makes me so happy when I bring someone up to the cottage and they can just fit in so I don't have to feel obligated to play hostess.
- making out under the stars is great.
- My mother is one of my best friends. What am I going to do without her? I'm going to miss Jamie too. And as much as we butt heads, I'm going to miss my dad too. But what am I going to do without my mom?
- everything is going to change tomorrow.

This is it. The yellow brick road has ended at the Emerald City. Let's just hope I've found my way home.

Out with a bang

I couldn't have asked for a better last day of work. They had a big lunch dealie for me (with chocolate cake!), gave me presents and cards (it was like my birthday), and then offered me the job for next summer. And then my favourite family I ever baby-sat for came in and that was just the cherry on top. I was almost getting teary-eyed after I chatted with them and saw how much they had grown up.
And on that note, what the hell is wrong with me this week? I'm on some kind of crazy emotional roller coaster. Aside from times when I was sick, I don't know if I've ever been this emotional. Must be going soft. ;)